Once again, I'm late to post! My sincerest apologies. I'm still figuring out what exactly I want to do with the blog and such, but things should even out as we go on.
So, today we come to the last part of 111, love yourself. Now, at first, that sounds awfully self-centered. I'm definitely not trying to promote narcissism here; we should not be so obsessed with ourselves that we forget to think of God or others. But, implied in the mandate to "love our neighbor as [ourselves]," it is implied that we do need to have some level of self-love. To put it mathematically (I'm a bit geeky like that),
Love for Neighbor = Love for Self
So, if we have no love for ourselves (or if Love for Self = 0), then
Love for Neighbor = 0
Which is bad.
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Alright, now that we've spent more time than is probably necessary discussing how it's okay to love ourselves, let's apply the other ongoing theme of these posts: forgiveness. Just as we must seek forgiveness from God and be willing to forgive others, we must also be willing to forgive ourselves.
How does this work? Well, let's go back to the first story I shared, about saying something embarrassing on 9/11. Quite frankly, I messed up there. Sure, I was only about 8 at the time and I didn't completely understand what was going on, but I still get a bit embarrassed when I think about what happened. And, I've kept making similar mistakes, saying the wrong thing at the wrong time, over the course of my life (I just did it this morning at the breakfast table). Now, I could start obsessing over these things. I could start thinking about them every day, focusing on how wrong I was and how things could have gone so much better if I'd have said something else. I could dwell on all the shame and remorse I feel. I could feel pretty lousy about myself in general.
Sound familiar? It's the same principle as the rosebush from last week. In fact, let's use another example from my life (someone's loving himself a bit too much here): in elementary school once, I stabbed a freshly sharpened pencil in to my index finger. How that happened, I have no idea, but one second I was holding the pencil in my right hand and the next it was stuck in my left. Instinctively, I shook the pencil out, breaking the lead and leaving some inside my finger. I promptly went to the bathroom to clean out the wound, but I suspect that some of the lead is still inside, especially since there's still a dark spot on my finger nearly 10 years later.
So, that was something that was self-inflicted, and it hurt, a lot. Not only did I injure myself, but I carry a reminder of it every day, probably for the rest of my life. But, what do I do about it?
I accept that I'm not perfect. I realize that sometimes things happen like that. I analyze what happened and make sure I don't do it again. And then, I move on. I Keep Moving Forward.
Whether it be stabbing ourselves with pencils or saying something we shouldn't or whatever else, we're all likely going to feel a bit ashamed of things we've done. But, just as we must recognize that others aren't perfect and seek to forgive them, we also need to recognize that we, too, make mistakes, and can be forgiven of them.
I've talked a lot about myself in this post, and I'm sorry for that, but I just have to express how much I know that this principle is true. I've lost sleep about things I've done before, about my imperfections. I've been a terrible critic of myself. But I've also felt the wonderful peace of mind and self-confidence that comes from letting things go, from forgiving myself. You can be your own worst enemy, but it feels a lot better to be your own best friend.
I know that God lives and loves us. I know that Jesus Christ atoned for all pain, self-inflicted or not. And I know that God wants us to love ourselves, imperfect though we may be, and that Jesus Christ knows how to help us move past our pain. I'm very thankful for the Restored Gospel of Jesus Christ (info here. I had to get a Mormon.org link in there somewhere), that has let me feel more peace and love in my life. I say these things in the name of our Savior, Jesus Christ, Amen.
Well, thus concludes 111! Thanks for reading! I hope this has helped brighten your week, even if only a little bit.
Keep Moving Forward!
-Elder Richmond
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